I can’t really pinpoint when it was turned on in my life but I know that up to March 2014, I was on autopilot.
It’s programmed in us really. Go to school, go home, do your homework, play, take a bath, go to bed. Repeat.
Go to work to go to school
Go to work to pay bills
Whatever path you’re on, at some point I’m sure you’ve felt the same. Same Stuff Different Day.
I’m by no means an expert, as I’ve said only last year did I even notice and start the ball rolling on the REALLY living my life train.
So what happened? I had a great job getting paid an awesome salary with benefits, bonus and in the best location in the state. I had a nice apartment, a longtime boyfriend, no debt and a new puppy. Seems awesome, right?
Reading it, it doesn’t even sound so bad but living it, well, I was an alcoholic, I was a workaholic, I was apathetic, selfish and a robot. Just had to move from my 6 year apartment to a more expensive less homey one. I was only happy if I was working or drunk, and this is by no fault of anyone but myself. I lost myself on autopilot. I wanted to break free all the time but didn’t know how.
Well I had to hit rock bottom, throw up blood twice, because once well nothing could possibly be wrong. Twice, maybe I should see a doctor. Stomach ulcer at 24? What? Stop drinking? Less work? No more red bull? What the heck was I supposed to do?
I was at a loss, I was scared, confused, irritated and just plain drained. So I went to looking into getting healthier, baby steps right?
I had to step out of my comfort zone, be sober for the first time in 5 years and turn off autopilot.