I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “everyone has demons” or “skeletons in their closet” and this is always perceived as a bad thing. Let me shed light on my opinion of these things.
We are not created to be perfect, we are created to live. Living unfortunately sometimes has some speed bumps or distractions that can cause us to get off track.
These things do not define who you are or what you are capable of. These things are just there to demand your attention away frombettering yourself. They are there to remind you that you can’t avoid every obstacle. They are there to remind you, you’re alive.
Now they aren’t demons or skeletons at first, at first they’re options. Decisions we needed to make. They’re a trail leading astray on the path. But they’re so tempting. They make us feel good. They make us feel in control, even though they are. They’re taunting us by telling us we need them. So we follow.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS OR HAS BATTLED! REACH OUT!
I met my first big demon in 2005. This demon was very alluring, it was everything I wanted. It would make me skinny, like the models I idolized. It would make me dedicated to losing weight. It would provide me a “quick way” to getting to where I wanted to be.
If you can take anything from this, please take this. Anything that says those things, be very, very cautious.
So I figured, it was no big deal, it would be easy to quit when I was where I wanted to be. Never did I once think of the magnitude of the decision I was making. Not once did I think of what I was diving into. Not once did I think of the fact that people STRUGGLE with this. At 15 I made the decision to follow a dark path to losing weight.
I’ve heard a lot of things about eating disorders in my years and I would like to compare them to all the other demons I and others have faced.
1″It’s the easy way out” 2″Anyone can do that” 3″It’s sad” 4″How do they not see what they’re doing to themselves?”
If any of those sound familiar to you, because either you’ve thought them or heard them from someone. I want to respond to them for you from the point of view of someone who’s battled different demons.
1-It’s not easy, not at all. It’s very hard to daily do something you know is slowly killing you but you’re so obsessed and addicted to that you just don’t know where to start so you just listen to the voice inside that tells you that you NEED to do it. And if it were easy then everyone would be doing it.
2-No actually most people CAN’T. I am not proud of what I did but I know 98% of people CAN NOT. Working in the fitness industry I get constant excuses from people all the time “I work too much” “I have no time” “I love food”. These people won’t even commit 30 minutes to a workout. They won’t even consider healthier options. And you expect me to believe they could starve themselves and workout for hours? I”m going to go with probably not.
3-You’re absolutely correct. It is sad, and we know it. Every demon lets us know we shouldn’t be doing it. It taunts us and tells us we’re stupid. It plays it’s own devil’s advocate. It pretty much says, man you really should quit hanging out with me. However, it knows it’s already got you so far down the path that you can’t even see the light anymore so you’re not about to abandon the only thing there with you.
4-So when we’re eating from a fast food restaurant do we think about what it’s doing to our body? When we down a soda, do we think of the consequences? When we watch TV or scroll the internet do we think of the adverse reaction it has on our brain? Nope. These are all addictions just like any other. So before we judge someone battling their own problems, please remember they’re all disguised in different forms and ours are no better, just different.
So now that I’ve gotten that out, I’d like to go to the part where I started on the road to recovery. I was 17 when I started to realize how unhealthy I was becoming. I was very busy with school work and working out that I really didn’t have time in the day for much else, but I started to realize the free time I did have, I was spending with myself. I was wallowing in my sorrow for myself. I was feeding my addiction, my obsession with reason and purpose.
Then, I saw the opening. I had friends, I had people whom I was hanging out with on occasion, and in those moments, I felt stronger. I felt I could totally get away from my issue. So I made it a point to start hanging out with people more. And this is why I stress not secluding yourself. I didn’t talk to them about it. I didn’t tell them ;I wanted them to just keep me busy, but I had people around, and that was enough. Now of course I had become very good at hiding it and I’m sure if you’re going through an addiction you just thought about that. BUT it’s not the point, you will still do it, you will still hide, but you’re not alone.
The next step I had to take was to deconstruct the addiction. What was I addicted to? The answer= feeling thin, the number on the scale, the feeling of accomplishment. OR the feeling of not thinking, the feeling of destressing, the feeling of being invincible. It’s not easy to find the core of the addiction but you must to face the demon and tell it you are going to kill it someday. And if you cannot do this by yourself, you need to find someone to help you, as soon as possible. Just someone to talk to about it, to make it come to light. Demons hate the light, they hate being made visible. EXPOSE IT.
Once you’ve exposed it, you’ll be able to look at it in different ways. You’ll be able to see how it manipulates you. How it preys on your weakness. How it’s just you.
This is the hardest part in my opinion. Admitting that all along, it was you. It was you who was doing this to yourself. It’s you who refuses to stop. It’s you who thinks it’s so important. It’s you who NEEDS it. It’s nothing more than you.
And NO ONE wants to know they’re the reason for heart ache, loss, powerlessness. No one wants to admit they were wrong or they totally messed up. This is how I moved on.
Now as I stated, this was an 8 year battle, so there’s 6 more of baby stepping my way to full recovery. But as I’ve written in previous blogs, you have to just start. It’s not easy, you’ll relapse, you’ll fail, but YOU CAN NOT QUIT. If you quit on yourself, you can end up making the ultimate sacrifice, your life.
So, surround yourself with people, so you’re not alone. Then EXPOSE the demon. When you have determined it’s strengths, start tearing them down. Day by day do ONE less thing to feed it.
Every day you have to wake up and tell yourself you will not allow it to take control. You will fight for you. You will slay this demon.
Every day you will be battling, but you will never level up if you do not start taking baby steps to be the best dang demon slayer in the world.
And one day, you won’t even think about it when you wake up. You’ll be free. And that is worth battling a demon.