You’re hesitant at first, shy and a little worried. Maybe this is too much too fast? But it’s a fairy tale, everything you’ve dreamed of.
At first it’s great, you enjoy each other, you love the feeling of being with them. You can’t believe it took you so long to find them. But soon, you’re not so sure. They seem to be getting angry all the time. Telling you you aren’t good enough, you’re ugly, you’re fat, you’re worthless. They don’t know why they bother with you, you’re a failure.
You’re hurt, you’re scared but you still love them. You still want to be with them. You want to make it work. You want them to see you ARE good enough. So you stay and you keep trying to make them happy but it only gets worse. And now you don’t want to leave the house. You want to be alone. You want to earn the status you crave.
You then start to resent them. You want to leave but don’t know how. You keep listening and agreeing. You start thinking they must be right. But when you’re with others you feel free, happy and less scared. They tell you how great you look and how awesome you are.
When you get home THEY quickly let you know, they were just being nice. They can’t call you mean things to your face, but imagine what they say about you when you’re not around. Only THEY love you and care about you.
You’re sick of them, you’re sick of being miserable, you’re sick of feeling alone. But what do you do? Who do you turn to? THEY are always there, and has begun to seem like your only friend.
Eventually you come to the point of decision. Are you going to stay miserable or are you going to reach out for help.
You love them, care for them but you know this is destructive and you can’t do it any more. You know you have to get out before it’s too late.
We don’t know how to save ourselves but there are people who can help. It will take time to muster up the courage to ACTUALLY leave, but if you’re ready and determined to say goodbye, reach out.
You will grieve, you may even make the mistake of running back for the romance you once had, but you find it’s no longer there, it’s cold, not the same. The flame is gone. You don’t love them anymore. They’ve lost the allure they once had.
You will fight with yourself to keep from going back, to keep from thinking of them. You will look at pictures and get angry, cry and think you’ve made a mistake.
But you know better. You must keep fighting. You can do this.
YOU are beautiful. YOU are one of a kind. YOU are worth loving, YOU are worth being happy, YOU are worth it.
***This is based on a relationship with my battle with eating disorders, if you have any feeling of relation to these words please reach out to someone for help. Regardless if your battle is with ED, drugs or a person please find the help you need****