Sticks and Stones love.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
If you were ever teased as a child, you have heard this chant many times and used it to tell your bullies that you don’t care that they’re mean.
Yesterday I was called big-boned. This statement is not new to me, in fact it was what people used to tell me when I used to be upset about being called fat. The response from adults was “You’re not fat, you’re big-boned” which led me to believe I had a larger build than other people.
I can’t say it just rolled off easy and I was unphased, instead it brought back rushes of hurt feelings from my past. It made me question my progress. It made me think of why does this statement bother me so much?
Then after searching for the attachment to this phrase within myself,  I found it was because during my 8 years struggling with my eating disorders one of my goals was to be small, to NEVER be called big, big-boned, fat or anything of the sort again. I wanted to be considered small, skinny, fragile. Not anything pertaining to what I thought of as negative.
Once I found the source of my dislike of the phrase I then came to terms with the fact that it was not meant to harm me and the older gentleman did not know of my previous issues with the phrase. Also that I am not that person anymore who harbors negative occurrences and uses them to fuel my self-hatred. I asked m
yself, if this REALLY mattered an
d was it worth being upset about. The answer was no. So, I let it go.
I only write this because I speak about loving yourself and that it is what can help you in all things. And without my personal growth in loving myself, this would have been a completely different situation. Again I did not just win right away and my self-love bubble bounce the words off with unwavering confidence, but I did manage to slay a demon that I haven’t battled in a long time, I was face to face with misused words and instead of letting it win. I stabbed it with reason and killed it with truth.
We are easily hurt by phrases that we have either used or heard that we don’t particularly like. We let them fill our minds with negativity and when we’re working on transforming ourselves it can be a loop we’re not ready to face or one we didn’t think would arise.
The key is to search for the reason we’re hurting, get passed the initial feelings and thoughts and push to find what it is that attaches negativity to the situation. Once we find the negativity the next step is to turn it into nothing. Become distant from it and see it as an outsider, know that people are not aware of our feelings. That the only reason we take offense is because of our own self doubts and insecurities.
Self love is a process and until we face each one of our insecurities as they arise, we will not be able to truly love ourselves. We must not let them take us off course but face them head on and get them out of our path, they may arise again but the next time we will be more prepared.
We can never be truly prepared for every situation in life, however it is how we handle each that defines us.

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